Hi PW, Thank you for posting on the forum. Firstly, our deepest condolences go out to you and your girlfriend on your pregnancy loss. Everyone (or almost everyone) in this forum will have been through this one way or another and I guarantee that majority felt the same way as you do right now. I know I did. Me and my wife went through a miscarriage at 14 weeks, back during the lockdowns, and I was exactly the same as you - no desire for my work, felt lost, didn’t know what to do and as for your questions, heartbroken and depressed, most definitely, overreacting never. There is no over reaction when it comes to grief and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Try speaking with your partner, when you feel ready. I think you’ll see that she will be more understanding than you think. That is most definitely what helped me and my wife, once I opened up on how I was feeling, as I think I was starting to become distant. You are most definitely not rabbiting on, and you are definitely in the right place if you do want to vent. You know where we are if you need us, have a look round the site, and we can also pinpoint you to more professional help if you or your partner need it. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Grant, Welcome to the forum. Firstly on behalf of miscarriage for men, please accept our condolences on yours and your partners pregnancy losses. We are all on this forum for the same reasons. Myself and my wife had a miscarriage in 2021 and I felt like I had nowhere to turn to and realised that there was probably many more men in the same position but felt they had nowhere to turn to. There will be other guys and admin who will have been through this, multiple times. We are always here to talk, either on here, or via DM. Chris MFM.

Hi jgmg0507, Thank you for sharing your story. Let me start by saying our deepest condolences go to you and your wife. You should never feel judged for showing all the emotions that you are. It’s natural, and you will never be judged in this forum. It must have taken a lot for you to write what you did, but I get the feeling from reading it, that you also feel a small sense of relief? This is why we built this platform, to allow the users a ‘judge free’ zone and to share thier thoughts and feelings. I was the same as you, I went back to work after a few days and realised that I needed more time off, it was only then was I able to start processing what had happened. For me, when me and my wife went through our pregnancy loss, I took to running the roads and also boxing, focusing my anger on a bag really helped. Another thing I done was I sat down with my wife and talked through what we had been through, yes there was tears, angry, disbelief at what had happened but it also gave us a level grounding to build on, knowing we were both hurting. Others will no doubt be able to share some advice on what they done. Just know, you are not alone, and we have admin available via the inbox if you ever need a quiet chat. Chris. MFM 💚

Good evening Wisconsin86. Our deepest condolences go out to you and your partner on your pregnancy loss. You are probably in the shock stage, it will come in waves as to how you are feeling. At first, I though I was going to be ok, but it was only when I took the time to relax that it hit me how I was actually feeling. Only you will know what will make you feel better in time, for me, I put my airpods in and took myself running, listening to some music and running allowed me to tune out for a bit and try to regather my senses. It made me feel slightly better for a short while. The biggest thing that helped me was talking to my wife. I wanted to know how she felt, her emotions, the next steps, the future. This allows us to work on us at the same time. Yes, it was hard, Yes, there was tears, but it massively helped. We work with some great charities that I can put you in touch with if you feel you need something more professional, but have a look on the forum here and I’m sure you will find posts similar to yours. If you want us to provide you some more info on charities and helpful sites you can drop us an inbox and we can send this. Chris MFM 💚

Dear Tim, Firstly, our condolences go out to you and your wife. Thank you for sharing your traumatic story, I’m fairly certain that could not have been easy, but I hope that the fact you’ve wrote this all down, has allowed you to express some of the feelings you wanted to by doing so? It never gets any easier to process, I have only been through one miscarriage and that was enough to make me consider whether we should try again and possibly go through the heartache all over again. So I can totally understand your reasoning behind the doubts about the future. The fact that you and your wife are able to talk and comfort each other, is huge. That’s what I found helped me, was the fact that I opened conversations with my wife fairly soon after our pregnancy loss, this allowed us to be open with each other, and share the grief. Some of the guys on our admin team have been through multiple losses so they are probably in a better position to answer you further with regards to their decision making and future thought processes. Of course, like you say, there is other avenues available should you wish to look at those. If at any point you think you may need some professional help (other than our peer to peer) we can pinpoint you in the right direction using our connections also. For now though, feel free to use the site as you wish, and reach out to us further if you ever feel that you just need a chat with someone. It can be a lonely time, and we want to help every single person we can and let them know that they are not alone. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Dbryan, No need to thank us for having you, you are more than welcome here and we are all here for the same thing. Firstly, our condolences go out to your and your girlfriend on your pregnancy loss. Speaking here in the forum is a massive step, so well done on opening up. As men, we always try to do that don’t we? Throw ourselves back into stuff to take our minds off other things, which in theory can work to some degree, but just masks most things. Sometimes the mask works, other times it fails miserably, and that’s why it done me for me. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. Do you think you could feel the way you do and not wanting to be intimate for fear of falling pregnant again and that same thing happening? That was my concern after we went through our pregnancy loss. That said, it’s natural to feel like that and feel emotion. It is natural for you to hide your emotion, in order to help your partner, we are human after all, but one of the key points I can give you, is talk to your partner, let her know how you are feeling, and I’m sure she will also reassure you and you can work on a plan for the future. As cliche as it sounds, it will get better in time, but never let anyone tell you how long to grieve and how to feel, only you can know when things are getting better. Look after yourself and your partner, and you know where we are if you want further advice. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Richard, So glad to hear that you are in a slightly better place, and well done on opening up and talking with your partner. It really does make things better moving forward. Good luck with the therapy, keep up posted on how you find that. I wish you and your partner all the best moving forward, and I hope you get your happy ending. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Ollie, Thank you so much for sharing your story. Honestly, I really appreciate it. It might be the shining light that a few people are looking for. I can’t imagine the pain you and your partner have been through, I’ve only been through one and that was tough enough. I love the fact that you are now half way through your new journey and I wish you and your partner (and hopefully soon to be new family) all the very best. I’d love if you could keep us updated on your journey if you feel comfortable? As this seems like a very worthwhile story to follow and I’m sure that goes for many of the people on this platform. You can always inbox us, or write on the forums if you feel comfortable doing so again. Once again, from all of us here, thank you for sharing, and we really wish you all the best. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Richard, Firstly, our deepest condolences go out to you and your partner. It’s an awful thing to go through. I have only been through 1 miscarriage, and it’s bloody hard to deal with. For me, I want to win at everything I do, and being in the miscarriage situation, I knew that this was a situation that I could not win at. This is what I couldn’t get my head around and work out how to help myself feel better. It’s only natural that you are feeling the feelings that you are and this is your grief mindset kicking in. I used exercise as my relief method. I went in the gym and hit the heavy bag or put my headphones in and went for a run. It helped me for a short period. I can understand why your partner is wary of trying again, the fear and thought of potentially going through another pregnancy loss will be high on her agenda. When you feel comfortable talking about what has happened with your partner I definitely recommend this. This is what helped me, yes it will be sad, yes there will be tears, but once you’ve made that connection, it’s easier to then talk about the future. A few of the other admin have had multiple miscarriages so I’m sure they can offer you further advice on how they have handled this. Well done for taking the steps to write down your thoughts and feelings. Chris MFM 💚

Good morning Brando, thank you for sharing your post. Firstly, on behalf of Miscarriage For Men, let me offer our deepest condolences on yours and your partners pregnancy loss. Well done for getting the courage to write this post, it takes guts. I was the same when I wrote my first post, and spoke about it openly. I questioned if it was the right thing to do, but I’m so glad that I did. It gave me a platform to allow myself to grieve, it sort of gave me a sense of meaning as all the focus had been on my wife, and rightly so as she was going through it physically and mentally, but I too was hurting but didn’t know how to speak or where to go. Hence I created this platform for exactly these reasons. In situations like this, it’s natural that us men become the protector, we naturally go into defence mode and want to fix the situation, unfortunately this is a situation that cannot be ‘fixed’ and I think that’s what played with my mind so much. I am assuming from reading your post you were the same. Throwing yourself back into work etc, I done exactly that and then quickly realised I needed some time off to process what was going on. My advice to you is just take each day as it comes mate, you will go through the emotions and there will be certain triggers that will start the grief. Don’t let anyone tell you how long you should grieve for, only you can determine that. We are here whenever you need us mate, even if you just want a friendly chat, feel free to pop us a DM, or continue the chat on here. If you and your partner feel that you need some professional help we also work with many wonderful charities who we can put you in touch with. You are bang on the money when you say that your wife needs you as much as you need her right now, talk to her, tell her how you are feeling, yes there will be tears, but I bet you will both feel more comfort knowing you can ride this storm together. Stay safe, Chris MFM 💚

Hi Ben, Thank you for sharing your post. Our deepest condolences go out to you and your partner on your pregnancy loss. I love that you named Nicole, and why not. Making a memorial is a great thing to do, the reminder of Nicole and a place to that you can sit and just think. Im glad that you chose the path of removing all the cruelness. You’re right regarding the loss, it never leaves, there will almost certainly be triggers also, but it does get easier in time. That’s not to say that the grief just goes, far from it. Personally, I think over time we become accepting of the situation. Once again, thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will help many of the platforms users. Chris MFM 💚

Hi Martin, Firstly, our deepest condolences go out to you and your partner on your pregnancy loss. It’s such a difficult thing to go through in a relationship, and it does put added strains on the relationship also, most of it attributed to grief and stress of the situation you were going through at the time. I’d suggest that you try and talk to your partner again, explain that you’ve bottled this feeling up for so long and explain you’ve done because of the past experience you have faced. Explain to your partner that you were concerned that the same would happen again so you were not sure how to approach the subject. Tell your partner exactly how you are feeling, if you feel strong enough. However, do it when you feel you can. Going straight into it when you don’t feel ready, could result in the message you are trying to get across become mixed. My personal experience, I told my wife we needed to talk as I needed to be able to clear my head in order to help both of us moving forward. It was very difficult to do so, but it needed to be done. It was one of the hardest conversations I’ve ever had to have. It’s likely that you will feel the same. We aren’t professionals mate, just a group of guys who’ve been through this, but we are here to help as much as we can. You can always reach us by DM also if you don’t want to talk openly in the forum. If you feel that you need more professional help, we can point you in the right direction and put you in touch with some of the fabulous people we collaborate with. I’m sure some of the other guys will be along soon and offer their advice. Look after yourself and your partner and know we are here when needed. Chris MFM 💚

James, My deepest condolences go out to you and your family. Wow, What a courageous blog. This brought back many thoughts for me. Thank you so much for writing this, and thank you so much for sharing. That must have been very difficult. I fully believe this will resonate with so many people on this platform. If you ever want a chat, you know where we are. Thanks once again. Chris MFM 💚

Good to hear it helped RM2. I will send you a private message in a short while with some contacts that you can speak to and also their web addresses for you to check out. Chris.

Hi RM2Player, Firstly, let me say how sorry we are to hear that you and your partner suffered a miscarriage. Our deepest condolences go out to you both. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. It can’t have been easy to do so. From my experience, the best thing you can do is open up to your wife and explain how you are feeling, not only will you feel better for it, but it may also allow you to get the help you need. If you don’t want to tell her about the drug use, that is up to you, but talking to her about how you feel regarding the miscarriage and how it’s affected you personally, it is clear from your post that she feels the same and you can get professional help together. We are not fully active in America as yet, but I have some very good connections out there if you feel that you need some help with the drug use? I can also point you in the direction of professional help for you and your wife also regarding the trauma. Well done on being a few weeks clean though. Great start after your relapse. As always, we are here to help and get you the help you need, if you don’t want to discuss in an open forum, feel free to drop us an email. Chris.

Good morning Aramion, Firstly, let me say how sorry I am to hear that you and your wife went through a miscarriage back in March. Your dates were similar to me and my wife, as this month would have been our due date also. It’s tough, especially as the occasion draws closer. I think what you are planning to do sounds great. A nice walk, a lunch somewhere nice, some drinks. All sounds lovely. It will also give you the chance to talk, and reminisce. What about laying some flowers in a park or a special place that you both love? Something a bit sentimental to you both, but rather than going ‘all out’ and attending sessions etc. Whilst Friday will be difficult, I think the courage you are both showing is admirable, and the fact you are both wanting to do something in memory of Charlie is beautiful. I wish you all the strength and courage possible for Friday. Thanks for reaching out to us, you know where we are if you ever need a chat. Chris.

Mikky - Gutting to hear that. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your partner at this sad time. We are here if you ever need a chat. Please look after your partner and yourself during this incredibly sad time. Chris.

Hi Tom, Firstly, very sorry to hear about yours and your partners pregnancy loss. Secondly, thank you for sharing your story. You are bang on with what you have written. Grief effects everyone in different ways. I also fully agree with charity counselling if that’s something they are interested in. We’ve partnered with some fantastic charities so can definitely get them the help they need. Once again, thanks for sharing this, I hope you and your partner are keeping well and remember we are here for you also if you ever want a chat. Chris

Hi Mikky, Firstly, I’m sorry to hear of what you and you wife are currently going through. I can imagine that everyday must feel like a right challenge at the moment. Every person is different in the way that they handle emotions. You say that you are currently feeling disconnected, do you think that is because you are now fearing the worse due to the way the hospital are talking? Or have you felt like that from the start? Mine and my wife’s miscarriage was at 14 weeks, so we were not as far on as you, but I know the closer it got to that delivery date, I think I’d have felt worse than I already did. Talking with your wife Is a brilliant thing to do, whilst it might be heartbreaking and hard to do, you need to be there to support each other as much as you can as you go through this experience. I agree with you, that the hospital already making plans is a bit disrespectful. Until the outcome happens, they should be coaching you both through this scenario you are in, but on the other hand they may just be trying to prepare you and ease in the ‘what if’ factor also. However, I fully agree with what you are saying - how can you make plans now when they don’t know for sure! With regards to practical parts of the time after, everyone deals with grief in their own way, there is no right or wrong way to deal with grief. Make sure you are there for your partner, comfort her when she needs it, wait on her hand and foot, if needs be but remember to take time out for yourself also! There is nothing worse than being in a room alone with your thoughts. Just know that we are here for both of you, and if you feel that either of you need some professional help, we work with some wonderful charities who can help you out also. If you prefer to speak in DM rather than in the forum, please feel free to message us via inbox. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Chris.

Hi IC, My deepest condolences go out to you and your partner on your loss. Thank you for sharing your story with us. We are not professionals but just a group of guys with lived in experience. Toxic positivity is still massive in today’s world unfortunately - the whole “ah you are young enough to try again” or “if it’s happened it’s probably for the best” and this is something we are working hard to try and change - well, not so much change but educate where we can through podcasts etc. It takes courage to share your story, so kudos on that. We are just a DM away if you need a chat, and we work with some tremendous charities if you need further help. Please don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Chris