Me and my girlfriend got together 6 months ago and found out at one and a half months into our relationship and we were happy and doing well and was debating on keeping the baby as it was very early on and decided that we would keep the baby as we both really wanted to be parents and loved each other from the moment we met, we was doing well but had some disagreements and ended up splitting at 9 weeks of pregnancy to the find out at 11 weeks she had lost all her symptoms, she told me this as I was always with her through it to find out there was no heartbeat and has stopped growing at 7 weeks she ended up having a miscarriage and almost bled out and had to have emergency surgery, we became very close after she was sent home and hugged the whole night, since she has become very distant and I know that she is grieving by herself and I keep reaching out to her but she's struggling, I'm just wondering what would be the best way to help her?
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First of all condolences for your loss. It is a tough thing to go through when you have been in a relationship for a while, but more difficult when it’s so early as well.
I would normally suggest you arrange to do things that you both enjoy doing to take your mind off of the loss, and to do things like exercise together, but as you are broken up this may prove difficult
I think you are doing the right thing at the moment in keep reaching out. She may be struggling but that could well be the grieving process you both have to go through individually. Yours may be quicker than hers so she may just need time.
I would say keep checking in but make her aware you want to be there to support her through this process so ask her what she would like from you?
It may be she wants space and to work through this with friends and family. If so, ask to set boundaries. When can you check in just for a message to see if she’s ok)
Ultimately this isn’t something you can fix, but just keep showing up in support unless she asks otherwise
If, like most other men I speak to, you are putting your feelings on the miscarriage aside to look after your other half, that’s fine, but continue to recognise you will need to process this, and do things you enjoy and are healthy habits in the meantime.
I took up running and booked a couple of weekends away so I had something to look forward too.
Maybe that could work for you
If you find you need any further help yourself, please let me know
Dan - MFM