Hi all, thanks for setting up this forum I think it is much needed. My wife and I had a miscarriage in December that completely side-swiped us. We have a little daughter Eliana, and everything went so smoothly with the pregnancy maybe we just took it for granted... We could never imagine it would go so differently the second time around.
We just moved to a new country in the middle of a pandemic and only 2 weeks after arriving we miscarried. Thankfully my wife was able to go through the process at home so we could be together. Friends and family were really supportive but in a way it felt like we didn't want to speak to anyone.
The miscarriage caused a lot of tension between us. I just buried it and tried to distract myself and my partner took this for indifference. However, after a few weeks we started to really talk about it and 3 months on things have got much better.
But now my wife is really excited to have another child but I still don't know how I feel about it. I'm not sure if it's grief or fear but I feel like I want some more time before we try again. I've spoken to her and she is understanding but I know that she really wants to try again.
Does anyone know have any advice about this situation? Not just in the context of miscarriage but trying for another child in general?
Hi Christopher, Thanks for reaching out and sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear of yours and your partners miscarriage. It is an awful situation and this may sound crazy, as how can it be any worse? but it has been made worse by the pandemic. I can fully understand your apprehension, and you’re right, it’s probably down to nerves & fear of ‘will it happen again?’. I’m not a professional therapist, I have shared some links on the page that might be able to help you better, but what I will say is this - only you can decide if the time is right or not. I can understand why your wife wants to try again straight away also, as it would have been an exciting time when you found out you were pregnant, then all of a sudden that has been taken away. My wife is the same. Me and my wife had never planned children, I have a daughter from a previous relationship,and my wife loves her to pieces. This would have been mine and my wife’s first child together. When we found out we were pregnant, we were over the moon, even though it was not planned. Now, we are in a scenario of deciding what we want to do. My biggest fear is that I will not be able to enjoy the pregnancy if / when my wife falls pregnant as I will be worried at every step. I won’t let this put me off though. Thank you for reaching out, and I hope you find the site helpful. Best wishes to you and your partner, Chris.