My wife and I went through our first miscarriage two days before Thanksgiving, 2020. She started spotting so we went to the ER. At first everything seemed like nothing was wrong. They had a nurse come in and do a fetal heartbeat monitor thing. We start hearing this noise thumping. The nurse says it had a strong heartbeat. Immediately I felt this rush of relief. Next thing I realize is we're in the hospital room and it's becoming increasingly uncomfortable how long it's taking to process her scans. Before they even came in the room I could tell. It just had been too long for them to not check in. My wife's starting to ask questions. I had to look at her and lie. I figured if I could take, even a second of her feeling of grief away, I'd be able to comfort her that'd be better than doing nothing. Her second turned into 45 min later the doctors came in. They told us the nurse that did the heartbeat monitoring was new and she mistook my wife's heartbeat as our baby's. We had a missed miscarriage. My wife's emotional integrity wasn't the greatest so I did everything I could to help her through the process. I guess I just completely forgot about my emotional integrity. Late summer I started to notice I had classic signs of ptsd. I'm a somewhat recovering addict. Past time I used meth was when I was 18, I'm 26 now. I went 8 years and all of a sudden I couldn't deal with the emotions. So I relapsed once haven't used since its been a couple weeks. I'm not going to. But I haven't told my wife. I'm just afraid that if I communicate with her, it'll affect her mental integrity. I really don't want to be questioned about it I just want to move on and be on the same page as her. I guess I just feel lost sometimes. I mean obviously in this situation you tell her or lie to her for the rest of your life. I guess I'll find out what kind of man I am atleast.
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Thanks for the advice Chris! I did speak to my wife and it helped out a lot. I think that I'd like to take you up on the trauma help you were offering. I'm located in Daytona Beach, FL. I'm just curious as to what different options are available. Let me know thanks.
Hi RM2Player, Firstly, let me say how sorry we are to hear that you and your partner suffered a miscarriage. Our deepest condolences go out to you both. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story. It can’t have been easy to do so. From my experience, the best thing you can do is open up to your wife and explain how you are feeling, not only will you feel better for it, but it may also allow you to get the help you need. If you don’t want to tell her about the drug use, that is up to you, but talking to her about how you feel regarding the miscarriage and how it’s affected you personally, it is clear from your post that she feels the same and you can get professional help together. We are not fully active in America as yet, but I have some very good connections out there if you feel that you need some help with the drug use? I can also point you in the direction of professional help for you and your wife also regarding the trauma. Well done on being a few weeks clean though. Great start after your relapse. As always, we are here to help and get you the help you need, if you don’t want to discuss in an open forum, feel free to drop us an email. Chris.