Hello everyone,
Let me start by saying I'm 42 years old. I have 6 grandchildren and 2 son in laws. I know I'm not a young man starting a new family but hear me out. My wife and I have been together for 22 years. When we where younger we had several miscarriages in between the birth of our children. Those didn't affect me as much as this last one. 12 years ago my wife went in for a procedure to have a partial hysterectomy, well Dr didn't do that she did a ablation and never tied her tubes like you are suppose to. We where happy we had six children healthy and growing. We have been blessed with this family. In November of 2022 we found out we where pregnant again much to our surprise. We took 5 at home pregnancy test and she plus me didn't believe it so she went to the Dr's office and took a medical one and he stated you are pregnant. We where both happy and scared. She goes to a new Dr's office for this pregnancy had her first ultrasound after she told them what was supposed to be done 12 yrs ago. They where concerned also. Our first ultrasound showed twins. We where both very happy and scared. We went to several more appts to keep close eye on them knowing the risks of a 40 year old women who had a procedure done 12 years ago that should have prevented another pregnancy. We made it past the first trimester and where on the second trimester we where thinking we where in the clear or at least in the higher percentage of carrying them to at least 25 wks. Well unfortunately she lost them at 19 wks and had to push them out in the office. Unfortunately I was at work and due to covid restrictions only she was allowed in the office. Even though we knew the risks and knew we could lose them this still hurt us both a lot. I'm usually the strong one and tried to be strong for the family my kids where upset and my wife has been on a Rollercoaster of a ride since 2/27/23. I think it hit me differently this time due to actually seeing how close we where I myself have been up and down even the guys at work know something has been off with me. I'm mad, upset, sad, angry, I've been ready to snap on people. It was to the point I thought I was able to go back to work this week but ended up leaving my job to come home so I can grieve some more. We did a small memorial service this past weekend it helped a little. I try to stay busy so I don't think about it just doesn't work this time around. I've reached out to my pastor for help and to me that's a lot on my end asking for help. Guess with this I'm just writing this post to help myself in a judge free zone. If anyone else has suggestions to help cope with this or anything really that would be great. Thank you for taking the time in reading this. God bless
Hi jgmg0507,
Thank you for sharing your story.
Let me start by saying our deepest condolences go to you and your wife.
You should never feel judged for showing all the emotions that you are. It’s natural, and you will never be judged in this forum.
It must have taken a lot for you to write what you did, but I get the feeling from reading it, that you also feel a small sense of relief?
This is why we built this platform, to allow the users a ‘judge free’ zone and to share thier thoughts and feelings.
I was the same as you, I went back to work after a few days and realised that I needed more time off, it was only then was I able to start processing what had happened.
For me, when me and my wife went through our pregnancy loss, I took to running the roads and also boxing, focusing my anger on a bag really helped.
Another thing I done was I sat down with my wife and talked through what we had been through, yes there was tears, angry, disbelief at what had happened but it also gave us a level grounding to build on, knowing we were both hurting.
Others will no doubt be able to share some advice on what they done.
Just know, you are not alone, and we have admin available via the inbox if you ever need a quiet chat.
Chris.
MFM 💚