I am humbled and inspired by the people who have shared their stories about miscarriage here. I am struggling to find the words myself but here goes..
My partner and I suffered a miscarriage a year ago and then another a few months ago. Both were at the same time in the pregnancy, around 9 or 10 weeks and before anyone knew about the pregnancies. The first pregnancy was incredibly painful for my partner and although the second was a little easier it has taken her a few months to physically recover. I have tried to support her as best I can, though I've struggled to know how I have felt over the past year. I haven't spoken to many people whereas my partner has many friends and her family she talks to. I have thrown myself into work as a distraction and I can become very numb when my partner talks about the events.
More recently I have been feeling despair and anger; I am sometimes deeply frustrated. Underneath there is sadness though I can struggle to find an outlet - it sounds mad but I don't cry easily. I work in mental health and it astounds me that I can deal with other people's sadness but struggle to access my own... A few weeks after the first miscarriage I broke down uncontrollably in front of a group of people when out.... which actually felt like a relief...
We are attempting to try again for a child, though my partner is really not sure out of fear of going through this again. And this only adds to the despair.. it doesn't feel like a great place to try for a family..... I guess we are in this place now, and it's not getting over it ... it's just a matter of time before we move through it together... how ever long that will be...
Thank you Chris and Dan.
Your replies were really useful for me and it's helped open more conversation with my partner, and we have been able to support each other a lot better. We are both in therapy as well which is helping too. There was something about accepting and talking to her about where I was with everything that allowed me to listen to her better. It's simple to reflect on it now but a few weeks ago I was trying to fight or resist something... I've also taken some time out from work and a holiday together with her which has been good!
We are set on carrying on trying even with the risk of miscarrying again and are better resourced now if it happens again. Despite the pain and moments of difficulty, through talking we can see that the two miscarriages so far have brought us closer together and made us reevaluate our lives and priorities moving forwards. I resonate with what you say, Dan, that sometimes the things that we most desire in life are the most difficult to get or achieve.
Thank you again, Richard