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Struggling with a second miscarriage
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Dan Rose
Apr 16, 2022
Hi Richard, Thank you for putting your thoughts down and I am glad you have visited the page and read the forum. I hope you realise all you are feeling at this time is very common and you aren’t alone. I have gone through 3 miscarriages over a 5 year period and my experience is slightly different to Chris. I struggled with understanding the reasoning behind why this happened to us, was it something we did? What can we do to prevent it next time? I came to realise that you can not control this, but cope with the bad days and enjoy the good ones. Do things that make you happy, and open up and talk to someone, ideally your partner. It will make your bond stronger. If you show your wife that you are feeling the same as her you can go through this together which will help your wife, who will also want to help you through it I’m sure. Unfortunately I think it is fairly common to become numb to this experience the more you go through it. Every time I just wanted to get past the weeks we had the miscarriage, to feel a sense of relief and excitement but the reality is, the best thing you can do is both try to relax and stay calm. With regards to trying, if you both want a family, unfortunately you will have the anxiety and potential heartache of this happening again to contend with, but there is the possibility of the dream of a family at the end of it. Someone once said to me if it never rained, you would never get rainbows, and to me that resonated that sometimes the things you want in life sometimes are extremely difficult to achieve. One thing I would say, you do need to both be mentally ready to deal with the potential of a miscarriage happening again if you can. This starts when you open up to your partner I think in this situation. Good luck and please let us know how it goes and if you need anything further Dan - MFM
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Feeling lost
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Dan Rose
Oct 27, 2021
Hi nmedeiros91, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and our condolences go out to you and your partner. As you may be aware, from reading the site, we are a group of guys who have gone through this experience you are going through now. Some most recently as this year, so we do understand that feeling of loss and pain, whilst trying to be strong. Hopefully you will see you aren’t alone from the other posts in the forum. This is a really difficult time for you, and every guy who goes through this. Drawing on my experience, my reaction was to put all my energy into protecting, comforting and supporting my partner and put my feelings to one side, so I buried my emotions to prioritise my partner’s wellbeing. After a short time, I started looking for answers. Whilst I was still feeling upset, angry and grieving, I started to question is this something I have done? What could I / we do differently? Why has this happened to us? This brought feelings of guilt and a lack of control. Some of these you may feel over the coming weeks and months, but it is great you are talking to a counsellor about this as they can help deal with these emotions as they come up. It is a cliche, but time really does help, but that element of loss will never go away. As for the lost, empty feeling, I would encourage you, when you feel ready, to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Maybe by showing her this post? I promise you, she wants you to be strong as she probably needs that right now, but she may also appreciate knowing that you are feeling the same feelings she is, and that she’s not feeling those alone. If you can find a good way to tell her that you are there for her, but you are feeling lost and empty, it may open up a discussion which will be very raw and emotional. This will, however, help you by knowing you can talk to her about it, without avoiding the subject, and give her a platform to ask what she wants of you and you from her if needed. If you need any assistance or professional help, please let us know. We are here for you Dan MFM
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Sometimes I can't cry
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Dan Rose
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