I can’t stop seeing him, we held our son, but he didn’t make it. Her cervix just … opened. We had to deliver him and I saw him. It broke me. I’m usually extremely optimistic & sees the good in everything
But not this, this shit is completely unfair. I know life doesn’t work that way but fuck. I saw him, he was beautiful. And developing just fine. Holding him made me question everything. It made me think how people stop believing in God. Because how does “everything happen for a reason” apply to this?!
It’s frustrating, we’ve got our families behind us, an extremely supporting village behind us friends too.
I don’t like passing blame or anything but we found out that her Mom also had miscarried before, it’s definitely hereditary and can be passed down.
I have no clue where my wife’s head is everyday, I don’t wanna pry but I also don’t wanna feel “normal” while she’s spiraling in her own head.
It feels good to get these words out in here, to share these struggles. These words might touch someone.
First of all condolences to you and your wife, having to go through this experience.
It is great that getting the words down on the site has helped you and you have a good support network around you. The site exists for this reason, to help people seek comfort knowing you aren’t alone, and others have gone through similar experiences.
With regards to your current feelings and your wife’s state of mind, if you would like some assistance with this, we can look to help. Please let us know if you would like this.
From my own experience, feeling ‘normal’ was me just getting on with life as I accepted I had no control over the situation and therefore could move on. My partner was had a very different outlook for some time, whilst working through the grieving process.
For us it was when we discussed the situation and spoke about my feelings that she had a breakthrough. My feelings were how I had felt angry, upset and how unfair this seemed, but I felt I had to be strong for her and show her I was ok.
She then realised we were on this journey together and feeling the same emotions and she wasn’t on her own, and I got what she was going through, albeit without having to go through the physical trauma and mental recovery of that.
It might help to open up the communication with your wife to show her your post?
Let us know how we can help
Dan - MFM