I posted on this forum last year after my wife suffered another miscarriage and I was going through the grieving process, which helped me work through my feelings at the time (thank you!).
We are now in a very different place (and not one we thought we would be in!), so I thought I would share in case it helps others.
After 7 failed pregnancies, we didn't feel we could cope with the pain, uncertainty and pressure we had spent three years under and decided to end our journey to having birth children, instead turning to to adoption.
This was a big mental shift for us, we felt we were giving up on a dream but at the same time felt huge relief that we wouldn't have to go back through it all again. It was almost a grieving process in itself to move from trying to conceive to trying to adopt, but once through it we are now happy with our decision.
Everyone on this forum is in a different place and this may not be the right path for you at all. There is still a part of me which wants to see a mini version of my wife and I running around the house, which we may never now see. For us personally, we had given so much to our conception journey that we felt it was taking away a big part of who we were and impacting our ability to enjoy our lives and our relationship. We felt our lives had been on hold for far too long.
We are now halfway through the process to become approved adopters. While daunting, I'm now looking forward to meeting our future child/ren (we may go for siblings!).
My genuine sympathy goes out to all of you experiencing miscarriage. There is no easy path through it and hopefully you find your happy ending, whatever that may look like. We hope we find ours in a child or children who haven't had the best of starts but who we can give all our pent up love to.
Thanks for your message. I don't think 'only' applies in this case, miscarriage affects everyone differently and I'm sorry to hear you and your partner have been through it too.
Great to hear about your Cousin's experience, it is quite daunting at times learning about the potential impacts of trauma and neglect on adopted children, but we think it is the right route for us.
If you do decide to adopt I'd be more than happy to share how we have found it. We have an approval panel lined up for July so may have more to share then!
Thanks for posting Ollie. My partner and I have also considered adoption after the pain of miscarriages - her cousin and partner adopted last year and couldn't be happier.
I really resonate when you say that the conception journey was taking away a part of who you are as a couple- we have only had two miscarriages which have thrown our world upside down, so I can't imagine what you've been through especially with your wife's surgery.
Wishing you all the best with the adoption process. Let us know how you get on.
More than happy to keep this forum updated, so long as I remember to post!
Yes for us it was a turning point after our latest miscarriage back in October last year when my wife had to go in and out of surgery multiple times. While we both still really wanted kids, we decided the stress and pressure it was putting on our lives outweighed our desire to try again, which maybe some on this forum can relate to.
Thanks for your best wishes and if anyone on here wants to talk about adoption as a potential route and our experience to date (there's a lot we didn't know!) I'd be happy to do so.
Hi Ollie, Thank you so much for sharing your story. Honestly, I really appreciate it. It might be the shining light that a few people are looking for. I can’t imagine the pain you and your partner have been through, I’ve only been through one and that was tough enough. I love the fact that you are now half way through your new journey and I wish you and your partner (and hopefully soon to be new family) all the very best. I’d love if you could keep us updated on your journey if you feel comfortable? As this seems like a very worthwhile story to follow and I’m sure that goes for many of the people on this platform. You can always inbox us, or write on the forums if you feel comfortable doing so again. Once again, from all of us here, thank you for sharing, and we really wish you all the best. Chris MFM 💚