My wife and I lost our child at 12 weeks, about a month ago. It has been a terrible journey so far. We had a very traumatic experience at a hospital, we went due to the pain from the medicine to endure labor at 11 pm. We weren't seen till around 2am, she went to change because there was a lot of blood and when she went to change her pants we saw that she'd passed the fetus. I went into the restroom to check on her and saw what had happened. I cleaned her up and got her back to the room. I ended up having to remove our child from her pants and sit in the empty restroom holding my child till I could wave down a nurse.
I went to work that morning and had to pretend nothing happened, I haven't been able to talk about it mostly because I don't know what to say. My wife has been dealing with it as best as she can but it's so hard on her. It's gotten to the point where when we talk I feel terrible and start to cry and within a minute I feel nothing, no sadness or anger, just nothing. I just can't cry anymore. I've pushed her to reach out to people that understand more than I do, and she has. This is my first time talking about this with anyone other than family.
Hi Daniel
First of all, our deepest condolences to you and your partner for having to go through this horrible experience. I am really sorry for what you personally had to go through in the restroom. It is also a shame that you had to go to work and pretend nothing has happened as you should be able to have time to grieve.
Having gone through the miscarriage process myself, to write down your story and get it out on here is a very strong and positive thing you have done in such a short space of time.
It is also positive that you and your wife are sharing your thoughts and feelings at this time as well as directing her to obtain support and understanding from others, but I suspect the fact you are there for her and going through this together is the most important thing to her.
What you are doing is brave and courageous. Keep talking to your wife and close friends/family about how you are feeling and if you feel you need further professional help, please let us know. We aren't professionals, just guys who have been through the experience.
I am assuming you are based in the US? If so, we are working on getting up and running there to provide advice on support options, but are not set up at this time. If you do feel you need professional support/ counselling, let us know and we will try to assist.
We are here to help and get you the help you need, if you don’t want to discuss in an open forum, feel free to drop us an email.
Dan
MFM