Thanks for having me, I hope everyone is well.
My girlfriend had a miscarriage at about 10 weeks on Christmas Eve.
I tried being the tough guy and soldiering on and I thought I was doing ok. Kept myself busy, did the whole 'not show emotion' thing but the last 8-10 weeks have really started to hit hard.
Ive occasionally woke up absolutely drenched in sweat (not even been hot where I sleep), and even worse, i feel really cold towards my girlfriend.
Shes exactly the same as she was before. Very loving, does everything for me, but I just feel a bit emotionless around her. I find it hard to look her in the eye, cuddling feels weird, I havent felt like ive wanted to stay at hers lately, stuff like that.
Shes not done anything wrong, shes been brilliant but shes had stuff going on in her side of her life so ive kinda kept this all to myself until recently.
Its like my mind is numbing the emotional side of myself when im with her. When I see other friends/family, I have no issues.
Is this a normal reaction?
Thanks for any help or response.
Respect to all of you who may be suffering.
Thank you for replying so soon.
So I briefly mentioned a few weeks ago that this has started to hit had and then I had the conversation again today.
She was concerned it would be something that would potentially cause the relationship to end which i understand as i have genuinely felt and been cold. Eye contact has been hard, ive not been seeing her as much.
She thinks im depressed but i dont feel depressed in any area of my life otherwise. Just basic interaction with her on a personal level is all im struggling with.
She said I could have a break if ifneeded to, but is that just going to make me feel more distant?
Hi Dbryan, No need to thank us for having you, you are more than welcome here and we are all here for the same thing. Firstly, our condolences go out to your and your girlfriend on your pregnancy loss. Speaking here in the forum is a massive step, so well done on opening up. As men, we always try to do that don’t we? Throw ourselves back into stuff to take our minds off other things, which in theory can work to some degree, but just masks most things. Sometimes the mask works, other times it fails miserably, and that’s why it done me for me. I couldn’t see the wood for the trees. Do you think you could feel the way you do and not wanting to be intimate for fear of falling pregnant again and that same thing happening? That was my concern after we went through our pregnancy loss. That said, it’s natural to feel like that and feel emotion. It is natural for you to hide your emotion, in order to help your partner, we are human after all, but one of the key points I can give you, is talk to your partner, let her know how you are feeling, and I’m sure she will also reassure you and you can work on a plan for the future. As cliche as it sounds, it will get better in time, but never let anyone tell you how long to grieve and how to feel, only you can know when things are getting better. Look after yourself and your partner, and you know where we are if you want further advice. Chris MFM 💚