I’m sorry we are meeting for this purpose. A friend of mine sent me a link to this page, knowing that my wife and I were struggling. First off, thank you to all of you who have posted. Once one guy starts sharing I right away feel more comfortable, thank you for that.
Our story begins in October 2020 when we believed we were 11 weeks pregnant with our first child and so close to being through the infamous first trimester. 1 day before our 13 week ultrasound, my wife said she had some spotting. “Doctor” Google told us it would be wise to go to the hospital and get checked out. After a long 6 hours in emergency with multiple ultrasounds, we were given the news that we lost our child almost a month earlier. The hardest part of this news for my wife was that she suffered a missed miscarriage and there was a whole month that went by when our baby didn’t have a heart beat. We got home that night distraught. Just trying to come to terms with the fact that we weren’t going to be parents 6 months from then.
Our sleep that night was anything but good, and I woke up to a phone call from my boss letting me know that I had lost my job of 13 years (I work in aviation). The combination of these two pieces of life altering news pushed both of us into a fairy deep and dark depression. With COVID restrictions at an all time high, we were forced to rely solely on each other and not have other distractions to keep us busy and moving forward. Lets just leave it at the next two months involved a lot of working in the garage keeping our hands busy building shelves. A stiff drink was never to far away.
We picked ourselves up and started focusing on our mental health January 2021 and both began starting feeling much better.
We recently conceived again, and unfortuntely my wife has suffered a second miscarriage. So far we are both okay. My wife is starting some therapy this week with a grief and anxiety therapist and I start a new job in 3 weeks. Luckily, in Canada the government offers 15 weeks of unemployment insurance so mothers who are grieving a miscarriage can take the time off work that they need for their mental health. My wife is very excited to get back to treating her anxiety and grief with an aggressive therapy schedule over the next couple months.
I’ve put up some emotional blockers which have made me feel somewhat numb to our second miscarriage. I’m nervous that these feelings will build up and make me explode at some point in the future once I let my blockers down. I cannot let myself go down that deep hole that I went down last time.
I’ll check in with you guys in a couple weeks and update you accordingly.
Thanks for reading,
Hi Colin. Firstly, let me say how sorry I am to hear that you and your wife have been through miscarriage twice. My deepest condolences go out to you both. Secondly, apologies it has taken me so long to reply. For some reason, the page didn’t inform me that you had posted so I am not sure what has happened there. I (and I’m sure many other guys on the page) can resonate with parts of your story. Me and my wife also went through missed miscarriage. You’re 100% right, it leaves you distraught. We were the same, we didn’t know what to think or do next. Distractions are always a welcoming motion when going through the agony of miscarriage I feel. That was exactly what happened with me, and what drove me to building this website. It was my escape clause. It allowed me to be me and give me something to focus on other than my grief. I made sure my wife was ok and comfortable and when she was, I was searching for a platform, searching for somewhere I could speak to other guys going through the motions of miscarriage, and see their story to see if what I was feeling was real, and others were feeling it too. I am glad that your wife is getting help, look after yourself at the same time. I’m only a DM away if you ever need a chat in confidence. Stay strong, and know that we are here for you. Chris.