Yesterday my wife and I found out that she was having a miscarriage. Last week we heard the heartbeat for the first time and now it’s over in an instant it feels. I’m trying to stay strong for her but I feel so lost and numb at this time. This is her 2nd miscarriage, the last being December of 2020. I’m struggling with being her rock she needs me to be and also dealing with the pain and sadness myself. I have spoken to my counselor about how I feel and she recommended finding others who have faced the same in their lives. How do you make it past the lost empty feeling after a miscarriage? I know this is neither my wife or my fault , but it doesn’t make it hurt less. Like I said I’m just feeling lost. Thank you for your time.
top of page
bottom of page
Hi nmedeiros91, I am so sorry to hear of your loss and our condolences go out to you and your partner. As you may be aware, from reading the site, we are a group of guys who have gone through this experience you are going through now. Some most recently as this year, so we do understand that feeling of loss and pain, whilst trying to be strong. Hopefully you will see you aren’t alone from the other posts in the forum. This is a really difficult time for you, and every guy who goes through this. Drawing on my experience, my reaction was to put all my energy into protecting, comforting and supporting my partner and put my feelings to one side, so I buried my emotions to prioritise my partner’s wellbeing. After a short time, I started looking for answers. Whilst I was still feeling upset, angry and grieving, I started to question is this something I have done? What could I / we do differently? Why has this happened to us? This brought feelings of guilt and a lack of control. Some of these you may feel over the coming weeks and months, but it is great you are talking to a counsellor about this as they can help deal with these emotions as they come up. It is a cliche, but time really does help, but that element of loss will never go away. As for the lost, empty feeling, I would encourage you, when you feel ready, to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. Maybe by showing her this post? I promise you, she wants you to be strong as she probably needs that right now, but she may also appreciate knowing that you are feeling the same feelings she is, and that she’s not feeling those alone. If you can find a good way to tell her that you are there for her, but you are feeling lost and empty, it may open up a discussion which will be very raw and emotional. This will, however, help you by knowing you can talk to her about it, without avoiding the subject, and give her a platform to ask what she wants of you and you from her if needed. If you need any assistance or professional help, please let us know. We are here for you Dan MFM