Hello everyone, my name is Ben. My partner and I lost our child at 10 and a half weeks. It was hugely traumatic. My partner needed 3 blood transfusions and almost died. The grieving process happened late for me. As we all share the same responsibility of being the rock, the shoulder to cry on, etc. However, I personally found grief in so many dimensions. Grieving for her future, for my loss, or family loss. I found what helped me was to talk about her. We were certain she was a girl. We removed the formal, cruel words from it all. She had a name, Nicole; she had a future and a family. Giving her this identity made me feel secure and justified in my grief. We have decided to create something in our garden to remember her by. Something with flowing water. A type of constant. This loss was huge. Even now, my eyes are full of tears. The pain is there. Right under the surface. It gets easier. You find your groove again. You can get back to a type of routine but it's never the same. It's always there. Gents this platform is a god send. I wish it was about when I struggled so badly. I hope what helped me helps even one other person. Its so hard. Support each other. Just be present. Allow your feelings to pour out.
Wishing you all the most heartfelt condolences and the best wishes for the future.
Ben
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2 years on!
2 years on!
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Ben, thank you very much for this post. First of all, condolences to you and your partner for the loss of Nicole. What you went through with the miscarriage and the concern over your partners health is just horrible. Whilst we are here to help all that need it, I am grateful to you for sharing your story of the other side when you have managed to find a way through the grief of the miscarriage process. It will show others that things will feel better in time, but this will stay with you. It’s a lovely reminder having the flowing water feature in the garden. We have planted various things in ours for the same reason. As you say, if a post like this helps just one person, then it is worth it. This was the premise of Chris setting up the site in the first place. I am glad you are doing well, but if you need anything please just drop us a message Dan - MFM
Hi Ben, Thank you for sharing your post. Our deepest condolences go out to you and your partner on your pregnancy loss. I love that you named Nicole, and why not. Making a memorial is a great thing to do, the reminder of Nicole and a place to that you can sit and just think. Im glad that you chose the path of removing all the cruelness. You’re right regarding the loss, it never leaves, there will almost certainly be triggers also, but it does get easier in time. That’s not to say that the grief just goes, far from it. Personally, I think over time we become accepting of the situation. Once again, thanks for sharing, I’m sure this will help many of the platforms users. Chris MFM 💚